Day 190 - Cobra

Cobra (1986) directed by George P. Cosmatos

Not counting any double days I'm watching 365 movies for this challenge, which sounds like a lot, but is actually quite minuscule in the grand scheme of things, so you'd figure I'd choose my movies wisely. Well, I decided to waste a day today by purposely picking a movie I know has to be bad. Actually I always assumed Cobra was one of Sylvester Stallone's campy 80's action classics, not great but at least fun and entertaining, but nope, I was wrong; this movie is pretty dreadful in every way imaginable.

You know how there are some movies that are so bad they are good? This is not one of them. It just flat out sucks. It's shocking how an action picture can be so boring. As an action film, you only have one job and that is to show something exciting on screen, but there isn't a single scene in the whole thing that piqued my interest. Well, okay, I'm lying. The beginning of the film is actually really promising. A bad guy holds up a grocery store and it's too much for the normal cops to handle, so one of them goes, "It's time to bring in the Cobra." Awesome. So in walks Stallone. He assesses the situation, even has time to chug a beer and confronts the bad guy with this line, "You're the disease, and I'm the cure." Awesome.

I just wish the entire film was like this first scene, but suddenly the film decides to take itself seriously and pretend that it's an actual movie with a plot. Who the hell wants to see some half assed police procedural with some lame story? It goes without saying the acting and the story are horrible, but where are the elements of comedy? There's nothing to laugh at intentionally or not. Oh, and where are the big action sequences? There is a decent body count but when they're all killed in the same boring ways what does it matter? Where is the obscene violence? How can it be considered obscene when you don't even have any reaction at all to what's going on? They could have set of a nuclear bomb in a pre-school and make a baby BBQ and it wouldn't matter. Everything is so mundane and lazy. Cobra just isn't any fun to watch at all.

Grade: D-